Well, readers, it’s been a while.  I’ve been busy, well if you consider drinking vodka and laying in bed, contemplating my naval busy.  I’ve had two visitors to the site this month, which makes me think they must have been very bored at the time.

Still working away at the novel; writing about people getting dismembered really puts me in a good place psychologically; it cheers me up no end when I’m feeling a bit down.  38,600 words done so far so about 70% of the way; still plenty of pages left for more sex and violence.  Life really is all about the little things.

So, as you may have gathered from the title I did some training on competency-based interviews during the week and I decided I’d share my day and any insights I gleaned.  Mostly, because I’m sick today and have feck all else to do.

So, I went to the training with a female work colleague we’ll call “N” because I’m pretty sure she’ll want to remain anonymous, okay she’s been pretty adamant that she’s not to appear in my writing.  So glad that the problem is solved.

For those who haven’t come across this new form of an interview, lucky you.  Apparently, it’s all in vogue these days.  So, for instance, you’re asked to discuss something like “Your Effectiveness through People”.  Unfortunately, if you want to do well you can’t just say that you don’t like people and for them to ask you a sensible question; and they expect you to be honest too!

The trainer started the class by saying Irish people can be shy and don’t like talking themselves.  This was never a problem for me, but I guess not everyone is so great like me either.

A few minutes in, she mentioned there are lots of good examples on the internet, but we’d be better using our own unique ones.  Eh, I have something called a life, a few minutes on google would have been grand.

So, then we had to do our own answers and fair dues N came up with a really good one.  I was quite impressed and told her I might use it myself.  Well, she looked at me like a lost puppy that I’d given a really hard kick.  Just as well I have a very undeveloped conscience.  Like, what did she think I was doing there?

Anyways I told her I wouldn’t use it but she didn’t believe me, this is a real problem I face when people know me well.  This must be some sort of competency in itself.  She pointed out that I had something similar before, I didn’t realize we kept a tab on such things.

So, after a few hours, it finally all came to an end.  Fortunately, the appraisal form only required a few ticks – tick here, tick there, tick everywhere.

Till next time..

It is with great excitement that I await the Dublin v Kerry All Ireland gaelic football final tomorrow.  People say I’m from Westmeath, who rarely win anything but I like to point out that I was born in Dublin, especially since about four years ago.

It fits much better with my brand to associate with winners and they will win.  So now that I have rediscovered my ancient Dublin roots, I am ready to cheer against the borderline evil culchies from Kerry.  Some would even call them animals, but that’s a tad too far for me.

To really get into the spirit of the occasion I’ve littered needles around the house and made sure that there is a plentiful supply of coke in the bathroom (I’ve heard that coke is the height of fashion up there these days, but I never liked the taste that much).  You know, to make it feel real Dubliny.  If anyone wants to go the toilet during the match, they have to hold on for a half hour first just like in Croker.  Also, everyone must come in to the television room five minutes after it has started, like all authentic Dublin fans

I’m also going to say “How ya” to absolutely everyone and if anyone irritates me I’ll tell them to go back to culchieland.  It will be like I’m in da heart of da big smoke.

But when they win, that’s when the fun really starts.  As everybody knows Dublin people are great winners and that’s a fact that must be pointed out to absolutely everyone.  Afterall not everyone can be a winner.  So, I will be sending out lots of emails Monday saying “Up da Dubs” Monday to all the culchies.

I’m thinking of painting my wheelchair blue but that could get a bit messy.  No, maybe I’ll just buy  a flag or something.

 

In many ways I am a very fortunate guy even apart from my good looks and good breeding, I live close enough to where I work, that if the weather is not too inclement, I can go back and forth in my wheelchair.  Part of this journey takes me through the town park each day.

I get to see during the warmer months of the year the kids playing on the swings full of happiness and joy.  The parents’ faces do be full of pride and hope for the future.  lt warms my heart that in just a few short years all that happiness, all that joy will meet and be snuffed out by the drudgery of modern life.

Yes, if only they knew that after they get through all that english grammar and times tables, they can look forward to becoming a clog in the capitalist system working long hours to further boost all important bank profits; it really is such a beautiful world.

The park also has a lovely pond during the winter, but one suffocated by algae during summer.  Perhaps it’s so people, maybe even the fish will pay to go to the swimming pool.

There are works going in the town at the moment widening many of the footpaths.  Let me say categorically, it has not been done on health and safety grounds because of me.  Any such accusation is libellous and will be fought in the courts.

I’ve only had a handful of crashes.. I swear, that old lady that died last year practically jumped in front of me!  And that toddler wasn’t looking where he was going.  Honestly, people these days.

I do feel that these works are causing traffic logjams around the place and now people are trying to make up a bit of time on some of the orbital roads but don’t worry I have a plan – speedbumps.  Yes I’ll write in to the County Council tomorrow, it will make me so popular in the community.

It is almost pitch black, moonlight the only illumination; there is no wind or sound of any description.  Being a child, still not quite eleven years of age, I should surely have been home some hours before now.  The parents would be annoyed.

Effortlessly I glide towards the house.  There is no sound from my wheelchair, nor do I feel the bumps of any rough terrain.  I briefly wonder how I will enter but am surprised to find that the front door is slightly ajar; a sense of fear suddenly grips me but I push the door open and enter.

The lights are off and there doesn’t seem to be anybody there.  I roar out “Mam,” then “Dad” but there is no response, not even a murmer.

I proceed to go down the long hall; all the doors are wide open but there’s nobody in any of the rooms.  I grow more nervous, there is something very wrong.  Somehow, i know that there will is evil in the house that I must flee.

Without hesitation, I go back out the front door and head towards the school field at the back of the house, I know I’m in danger but I have to find my family.

And I do.  There they all are perfectly aligned on the grass; their eyes wide open with blood gushing from their dead bodies.

There is no time to mourn their loss, even shed a tear as someone or something is behind me.  I go as fast as I can but it is no good, something is reaching out for me ..

I awaken in a panic to the sound of the wind howling outside.  It was just a dream, just a dream..  At least that’s what I hope.

 

 

(Inspired by a true nightmare)

This is a mysterious universe full of unfathomable conundrums.  Some people spend their entire lives trying to understand it that much better.  The latest theory I was reading about states that there is a fifth dimension leading to an universe that will never end as time itself is not what we think we think of it as.

Allegedly, if you could hypothetically view the universe from this fifth dimension, you could view everything that happened from the very beginning to the very end with all the possible different things that could have happened as well.

Or maybe we live in a universe with eternal inflation.  I kind of like the idea that this might be the trillionth time I’ve written this post.

But I don’t concern myself with such things, no I have much more important things to probe with my intellect.  Like what to do if a fly flies into your vodka or other alcoholic beverage and you can’t take it out.  I’m sure this has happened to almost everyone that matters (drinkers) at some stage.  Non drinkers would just never understand, alcohol is a precious resource, kind of like oil.  It doesn’t matter that you’re going to have a hangover, every drop is precious.

I’m pretty sure that we’d all agree if it was just a little midget we’d press ahead.  You probably won’t even feel it in your mouth, so just think of something else?

But what if it’s a big one?  Do you watch closely hoping not to drink it?  Life is so complicated.

I think I’d draw the line at a wasp.  I wouldn’t even have a taste but maybe I’m too squeamish?

Where should the line be drawn?