Author: markswritingcorner

Mark Ahern was born in 1979 and is from Ireland. He attained a Degree in Commerce from UCD in 2000 and a Masters in European Studies in 2001. He has written three novels to date encompassing science fiction and thrillers. At times Mark has used his experiences as an individual with a disability to write from a truly unique perspective. "Chronicles of Martan" which is his sole science fiction work to date, is an epic space odyssey inspired by his love of Star Wars. This was followed by "Not the Usual Suspect" and "Paradigm". His current project is called "The Irish Ripper" and should be available late 2019.

The new University Experience

Well readers, I do hope you are all keeping in good form. I’m just after reading that universities are going to start moving to a hybrid method of operation. Yes you’ve guessed it, they want to reduce to the risk due to the coronavirus and they now want to keep students off campus as much as possible and instead go online as if they are an inconvenience rather than the central plank of the whole thing.

It got me thinking. Like, have these people never heard of youtube. This part of the market is already cornered. And the main problem for the universities is it is for free. Want to learn advanced Maths? It’s all there. Universities always had “college life” on their side. But what insane kind of individual is going to sign up to four years of drudgery, with no sex or alcohol and large debt afterward , rather than go elsewhere and learn it faster. I know that I wouldn’t anyway.

As for teachers and their precious existence, it’s like they want to show the world that they can done without. Even the slightest risk is too high a price to pay. Perhaps the government should just fire them all to keep them permanently happy.

But the worst reaction to the virus has surely has to be from the main Churches in Ireland, which allegedly still believe in an afterlife. That both seems to have long sailed. They couldn’t shut fast enough, long ago having becoming more concerned with flesh than souls. No doubt they’ll be last to reopen too, when they are sure there is no longer a threat to their earthly existence.

The first part of my latest novel will be put up over the weekend. Don’t forget to like, comment and share. Till next time..

Working from home (comedy)

Many people are saying that that this corona thing (didn’t that used to mean something else?) is going to have some very long lasting implications, one of which is this working from home malarkey.  It’s like we all have been involuntarily put forward for some crazed experiment.

So, I thought that I’d put forward my own personal list of pros and cons, which hopefully won’t get me fired (for the record this is completely fictional, just like all the work I do).

Pro                                                                        Con

No commuting                                                    I get to work faster

Little supervision                                               Parents wondering why I’m watching tv

Freedom                                                               Created my own prison cell

No distractions                                                   Catching up with The Walking Dead

Isolation                                                                Getting lonely

So, as you can see I’m quite conflicted, which is just so not like me at all.  The big worry naturally is that I might boost my productivity.  Heaven forbid!  That would be a disaster, raising expectations is the last thing I want to do.  Hey, they might not want me to come back at all sure then.

Oh how I miss the simpler times – clocking in, clocking out.  The day had its own natural rythm.  Always make sure there were pages covering your desk so people would think your busy.  Make sure it sounds like you know what your talking about.  Hopefully, the good days will return someday.

Website upgraded and future plans

My dear readers, it is with great excitement that I write to you today.  I have moved to the next stage of my writing plan and upgraded my blog website.   This means that I now have my own domain name –  http://www.marks-writing-corner.blog  and also I gain monetarily from Ads that appears on the site.

For the moment you will barely notice but in time, hopefully over the next week or so, there will be significant changes.

I see this as being the space where I will showcase all my writing whatever its nature.  The first chapter of my latest novel “The Irish Ripper” will be available within the next week, with a new chapter to be released each week.  It is set in a fictional pre-covid Ireland and a quick warning that it contains gratuitous violence, scenes of horror and of a sexual nature from the outset.

My previous novels will also be making an appearance so there is going to be plenty of content to keep you occupied.  I would recommend that you at least check out “Not the Usual Suspect”, which is probably my best received work to date.  Of course, fingers crossed “The Irish Ripper” will blow it out of the water.

I also intend to keep doing my comedy pieces, short stories and whatever else is on my mind that I want to write about.   If you would like to support the website you can either purchase the novels on Amazon or you will be able to make a direct contribution.  I promise to spend everything on women and alcohol, I’ll waste the rest.

Well that it from me for now, I have a lot of work to get cracking on with.

Pandemic of Crime (comedy)

My dear readers, today I have to inform you about something very serious in these awful Covid-19 times.  There is a much greater pandemic that you need to fear – it is a pandemic of crime.  But not of drugs and illicit sex.

I think we can still all remember the good old days.  Remember, when all you had to worry about was getting high or maybe being robbed or knifed on your way to get some groceries.

But now the world is beset by a plague of social distancing crime.  All you have to do is look out your window to see the horror of people walking too close together or too far from their homes.  The worst is the little kiddies or what I like to call “germ grenades”.  Honestly, what way are they being raised to not know to come within two metres of anyone.

Things have gotten so bad I had to report my own parents yesterday.  They told me where they were going for their “walk” and when I did the calculation after they left, it was 2.05km away.  You can only imagine my shock.  Talk about setting their impressionable 40 year-old son a bad example.  Well being the good citizen that I am, I immediately rang the local Garda Station.

“You want to report your parents, really?”

“Yes Sir,” I replied with conviction, “and you should fine them.  They knew what they were doing.”

Things haven’t really been the same in the house since.  The parents keep saying that they don’t want me there anymore.  Eh, haven’t they learned anything?  That would just be another breach.  I told them not to worry,  I won’t leave them alone during the crisis.

That’s it for now readers.  Stay safe everyone.

Covid-19 Survival Guide #3 (Comedy)

Well hello, readers!  I’m still here.  Hey, I’m as surprised as anyone.  This crisis we’re going through is shockingly boring though.  I don’t know, I think I was expecting more excitement.  Like if there was a nuclear war we could go outside and see the fireworks.  Whereas this crisis is all about shutting yourself off from everything.  Quite frankly, I would have prepared to read about it in the history books.

No sport too – what a disaster.  At this stage, I’d be happy to watch two ants climbing a wall.  But just my luck, I can’t find any.  There is a spider but where’s the competition?  Life is so cruel.  Maybe what we need is a transfer market.  So people can buy/sell their spiders and form teams.  Then we could have a league.  Maybe it’s the delirium but I feel it could work.  To remember the olden times we could call it The Premiership.

So these days I’m working from home.  Probably just as well, my hair is a mess.  Honestly, next time I must get it cut before the world goes to hell.  I get to look into a computer screen all day but at least I can turn on some music and wear my pajamas (so comfy).  Guess things could be worse.

So, it looks like this evil coronavirus is going to long overstay its welcome.  Remember everyone, wash your hands and coronavirus, please go away!

 

 

Covid-19 Survival Guide #2 (comedy)

Well readers, I am sure your all just as happy as me to hear that I’m still alive and kicking, well alive anyway.

I am here hunkered down in front of my computer typing away.  Much like every other Saturday I guess, but now with a new found sense of doing my duty, even if I had feck all else to do anyway.  If only it was always so easy to serve my country.

This crisis is having many profound effects on my psychology though and it may prove disastrous for my writing.  Usually I thoroughly enjoy writing about misery and death, but recently it has not been the same.  It’s like my heart’s not in it anymore.  I’m even thinking about writing something happy instead, maybe even a romance novel or something.  Ew!  Maybe I have that infection already..

During these times of crisis I’m trying to keep my mind focused on the important things in life like house prices and what is happening to the ISEQ.  Of course, making sure Ihave adequate tvs and working broadband to see me through any potential quarantine is also vital.  So many things to worry about.

I am also worried about you my dear readers.  Hopefully none of yous kick the bucket.  That would be really bad for my site statistics.

Till next time.  Remember to wash your hands!

Coronvirus Covid 19 Survival Guide (comedy)

My dear readers, I know that you are looking for leadership at this time of crisis and I feel that I with no medical knowledge or experience whatsoever should offer some advice.  Afterall, if Trump is doing it, it must be grand.

Sure really it’s all a bit of common sense.

We all know that the best way to get better from something is to pass it on.  This should be really easy in the open plan offices we have these days (don’t worry, I’m sorted).  So god forbid you become infected, make sure to have a good cough here, there and everywhere.  I’m sure you’ll get lucky.  If there’s people you don’t like now would be time to spend some time with them.

Very important – remember the three second rule.  Otherwise, I guess you really should think about washing things.

Don’t drink water.  Only drink “living” water from fruit.  Eh, you want to die being fashionable, don’t you?  And everyone know germs need water to survive.

Make sure you have Netflix.  Sometimes the apocalypse can be a tad slow and boring.  You may have to spend a lot of time indoors.

Watch the Walking Dead and remember things could always be worse.  Mmm scratch that one.  It could teach you useful survival tips though.

Don’t plan for the future.  There’s simply no point.  No more studying or saving for trips that are now impossible.

Don’t panic.  Only joking, of course you should!  We’re all going to die.

(The writer accepts no responsibility for this article.)

Writing (comedy)

Hello readers, I’m back again.  They didn’t tell me in Specsavers that I’d ever see 2020 but here it is.  It’s been quite a long hiatus but at least I did something somewhat productive in our time apart.  I have finished my latest novel!  Okay, so I’m getting it reviewed, I might have to rewrite large parts yet but hopefully not lol  So it’s going to be called “The Irish Ripper” and no, its not about flatulance, but rather the hunt for a serial killer that’s terrorizing Ireland.  As you can imagine, it will be for adult readers only or kids with money.  I’d never send kids with money away, that would be censorship and that is something I’m totally against, unless it’s something bad about myself naturally.

I have been watching lots of youtube videos about how to improve your writing.  Don’t use adverbs, character arcs, how to write an opening chapter etc.  They are very good, if only youtube was around for the Leaving Cert, I’d have got all As.  Okay so I might be exaggerating but I surely would have bested that D1 in ordinary level Irish.  Not sure if people will bother with school in the future, it’s become obsolete with the all knowing Google and youtube.  You don’t even have to get up early.  It’s almost too easy.  Although they do expect you to work very hard, maybe that’s because they’re American and take everything so serious.

Being reading “Pride and Prejudice” for what seems like forever.  There are three volumes and I’ve only gotten through the first one.  I almost want those sisters married off quickly as much as their mother!

So Christmas has once more come and gone.  Ah well, at least the summer will be shortly here.  Always prefer that time of year anyway and who knows, maybe I’ll be a millionnaire by then, fingers crossed.

Till next time..

Skyfall (comedy)

Every now and then I decide to do something totally crazy, but this time I might have totally lost the plot.  I decided to cancel my Sky subscription, afterall I could still watch Netflix, have some of the free channels and the RTE player.  Sure, I’ll hardly notice I thought to myself.

That first night I was quite proud of myself thinking of all the suckers paying for their sky; I was now just better than the average person.  Admittedly I was somewhat surprised by how few stations I now had, but I was brave even if there was now no Rte.

Night 2 – A slight flaw in my cunning plans.  My “smart” tv, which in my mind is new is actually a few years old and is now incompatible with the internet, apart from netflix.  Even RTE is dodgey.

Night 5 – This might even be worse than when I tried to give up alcohol for a month.  That didn’t end well..  There are not even enough channels to mindlessly flick through. Aaaargh!

Week 2 – Oh how great it would be to see people being ripped apart on The Walking Dead once more, an interesting documentary on anything except food or even just hear the chimes before six one.  All those small pleasures have now been whittled away.

Week 3 – My “precious”.  Must get my “precious” back.

Week 4 – Note to oneself – Never attempt abstinence of anything again.  It’s just not me.  Now me and My Sky are back together for ever and ever.

I believe in better.

 

 

Competency-based interviews

Well, readers, it’s been a while.  I’ve been busy, well if you consider drinking vodka and laying in bed, contemplating my naval busy.  I’ve had two visitors to the site this month, which makes me think they must have been very bored at the time.

Still working away at the novel; writing about people getting dismembered really puts me in a good place psychologically; it cheers me up no end when I’m feeling a bit down.  38,600 words done so far so about 70% of the way; still plenty of pages left for more sex and violence.  Life really is all about the little things.

So, as you may have gathered from the title I did some training on competency-based interviews during the week and I decided I’d share my day and any insights I gleaned.  Mostly, because I’m sick today and have feck all else to do.

So, I went to the training with a female work colleague we’ll call “N” because I’m pretty sure she’ll want to remain anonymous, okay she’s been pretty adamant that she’s not to appear in my writing.  So glad that the problem is solved.

For those who haven’t come across this new form of an interview, lucky you.  Apparently, it’s all in vogue these days.  So, for instance, you’re asked to discuss something like “Your Effectiveness through People”.  Unfortunately, if you want to do well you can’t just say that you don’t like people and for them to ask you a sensible question; and they expect you to be honest too!

The trainer started the class by saying Irish people can be shy and don’t like talking themselves.  This was never a problem for me, but I guess not everyone is so great like me either.

A few minutes in, she mentioned there are lots of good examples on the internet, but we’d be better using our own unique ones.  Eh, I have something called a life, a few minutes on google would have been grand.

So, then we had to do our own answers and fair dues N came up with a really good one.  I was quite impressed and told her I might use it myself.  Well, she looked at me like a lost puppy that I’d given a really hard kick.  Just as well I have a very undeveloped conscience.  Like, what did she think I was doing there?

Anyways I told her I wouldn’t use it but she didn’t believe me, this is a real problem I face when people know me well.  This must be some sort of competency in itself.  She pointed out that I had something similar before, I didn’t realize we kept a tab on such things.

So, after a few hours, it finally all came to an end.  Fortunately, the appraisal form only required a few ticks – tick here, tick there, tick everywhere.

Till next time..